Today is day seven of a juice and salad diet that I want to do for ten days as a re-boot for my system. It’s been a challenge adjusting to living in a foreign country, even one I know so well.
It’s really beautiful here and I love being at the ocean. The hardest part for me right now is being alone while Rog does his GT climb. It lasts over two weeks and he’s been training for months. He left a week ago and is now almost half-way through it. He has managed to send a few texts to let me know he’s alright but most of the time there isn’t a signal.
I admire him for being able to do it and I’m trying to use him as an example for myself. I’ve lost 35 pounds over the last year so I feel good about that. Being here helps with that because we have no car so if I want something, I have to walk to go get it.
I have this weird thing when I’m alone where I wake up in the morning literally shaking with fear. I’ve always had an anxiety disorder so I get it but that only happens when I’m alone. I don’t know what I’m so afraid of. Usually once I’m up and moving the shaking subsides.
I keep thinking that at the age of forty seven I’d get over it. Sometimes we all have to spend time alone. My mother has lived alone for over twenty years. So, even though I have yet to conquer my fear, apparent by the crazy morning trembling, I still manage to talk myself into getting on with my day.
I sometimes think I’ve lead a very sheltered life. I’ve been a recluse for most of it only having a few close friends but having my husband around has always been the soothing balm that helps me deal with life’s problems. A good thing for sure but I also have to learn how to cope on my own. That’s what this time is all about.
When Rog is here he carries the groceries, no problem. I think over the years I’ve gotten spoiled. We always had two cars and drove anywhere we wanted. I didn’t even give it a thought. I even drove to the gym which was only half a mile away from my house.
Having the perspective of being here with much less makes me see how much I took for granted. Things like TV and cable. We didn’t use 80 percent of the channels but I felt like we had to have them. Here we have no TV and I don't miss it so it’s not an issue.
So, the biggest challenge with trying to do a juicing diet is that you have to have a juicer and stuff to juice. My mother-in-law was kind enough to lend me hers. When Rog left there was enough stuff in the fridge to juice for three days. When the fruit and veggies ran out I took the one mile trek to the store. I battled trying to walk home with the grocery bags. It wasn’t really the smartest plan. It occurred to me that I can do two things. I can carry a few things at a time, ant style, or I can use Roger’s extra backpack.
I’ve never carried a backpack before in my life. I know that seems weird but I don’t remember ever carrying one, not even for school.
I got it out this morning and spent about a half hour figuring out how to put the thing on. It’s got straps everywhere. Eventually I got the straps adjusted. I had to widen them quite a bit because Rog has the waist of a pre-pubescent girl… Anyway, I suddenly felt empowered. I had been feeling down, lonely, pitiful. Suddenly the backpack made me feel strong.
I got my money and my keys and I headed out into the world. Down the cranky elevator and the twenty five steps that greet you at the front of our apartment complex. Then down the sidewalk and all the way along the beach until you get to a turning circle. Up the hill, around the blind corner of doom where oncoming traffic threatens to squash you like a grape but there is no sidewalk, then up, up, up to the store. Whew. I made it. Then I remembered the backpack was still empty.
I went inside and thought hard about my list. Apples, carrot, celery, cucumber, pineapple. These things are all heavy but are a necessity if I am to complete this juice diet.
I bought my things and I went to a quiet corner of the store and I packed my backpack. I couldn’t believe that everything fit in. I zipped it up and managed to get it on my back and buckled in place.
I made the trek back feeling great. Yes I was carrying ten pounds of fruit on my back but so what? That is the mood I am trying to cultivate. The old Nike slogan, Just Do It. That’s really what it’s about whether it’s learning to spend some time alone or walking to the store or carrying a boat load of fruit on my back or dieting for that matter. It’s the doing that makes it all okay.
No comments:
Post a Comment